Wedding RSVP wording, deadlines and the questions to ask

The RSVP is the least glamorous part of a wedding invitation and the most important one for your planning. Your caterer, your venue, your table plan and your budget all depend on it. A clear RSVP with a sensible deadline saves weeks of chasing.

What RSVP means

RSVP stands for "répondez s'il vous plaît", French for "please reply". On a wedding invitation it's followed by the date you'd like replies by, and that date is the single most useful thing you can put next to it.

RSVP wording examples

• Kindly reply by 1st May 2027.
• The favour of a reply is requested by 1st May 2027.
• Please let us know whether you can join us by 1st May.
• We'd love to know if you can make it. Please reply by 1st May.
• Let us know you're coming by 1st May. Dancing shoes optional.

Match the wording to the rest of your invitation. Formal phrasing on a relaxed invitation feels odd, and so does a joke on a black-tie one.

When to set the deadline

Work backwards. Find out when your venue and caterer need final numbers, which is usually two to four weeks before the day. Set your RSVP deadline two to three weeks before that. It leaves time to chase anyone who hasn't replied and to finish your table plan without rushing. For most weddings that means a deadline six to eight weeks before the day.

What to ask your guests

Ask everything you'll need, and nothing you won't. Every extra question is something guests have to think about. The useful ones are:

• Whether each person invited is coming. Ask for each name, not just the household.
• Dietary requirements and allergies.
• Meal choices, if your caterer needs them in advance.
• The name of a plus-one, if you've offered one.
• Whether children who are invited will come, and their ages if it affects the menu.
• A song request for the dance floor. It's optional but guests enjoy it.
• Transport needs, if you've arranged a coach from the hotel.

Wording for dietary requirements

"Please let us know about any dietary requirements or allergies" is all you need. Give guests a free-text box rather than a short list, because allergies are specific, and your caterer will need the detail.

Replying for a whole household

One of the small frustrations of paper reply cards is that a whole family replies on one card, and it's not always clear who is and isn't coming. A digital RSVP solves this. With Evermore, each household has its own link, everyone on it is listed by name, and each person says whether they're coming. The questions you choose can be asked once for the household or of each guest, so you get everyone's dietary needs without anyone answering the same thing twice.

Chasing late replies

However clear your deadline, some guests won't reply. A week before it, send a short, friendly message to anyone who hasn't answered: "Just a gentle reminder to let us know if you can join us. We need final numbers by Friday!" Most people simply forgot.

With a digital invitation, you can see whether each guest has opened their invitation. If they haven't, the link may have gone astray, so try another way of reaching them. If they've opened it but not replied, a nudge is all it needs.

When guests change their minds

Plans change, and guests sometimes need to update their reply. On paper that means a phone call and a crossed-out spreadsheet. Online, you can correct a guest's reply yourself from your guest list, so your numbers stay right without anyone filling in the form again.

After the deadline

Once your deadline passes, check your numbers, give your caterer and venue their final figures, and start your table plan. Keep your guest list up to date for any last changes; it'll save you on the day.